And then it rained

 Walking along Kampala road last night blew my heart to smithereens. What started out as a simple walk to the Taxi park with a friend who by the way I bullied into walking with me, turned into a personal trip to a place I have not been to in a while.

I've been riding on a high lately... high on adrenaline. Last night, my bubble went KABOOM! just like that. These are images of children, children who at 8p.m should be in bed, all warm and fed. Does not really matter if they are well fed or not. As long as they are not hungry! It is a human right.

Where are we going?

I know giving these children money keeps them on the streets, but then again its not their fault. Whichever devil put them there really cocked his gun well. And he has aim. This son of a B****h has aim. I usually buy them food stuff, if i passed by them during the day. But it was way after 8 p.m and these lovely babies were out in the cold. Scantily dressed, and it started drizzling!

I was shocked when I saw a 'team leader' actually cane one of the lovelies. I wondered why? I was at a distance from this horrifying spectacle and my Friend was getting impatient but it was one of the saddest scenes I have seen recently. It was sad.

I can't stop thinking of ways I could help these children. I love them with all I could and can give. I wish I could give them and they actually benefit from my giving. I pray Dear Lord for these children.

I won't ask why. Dwelling on the why is not a solution.

My own little ones were in the meantime warmly ensconced in my bed (they get treated when am not home on time to tuck them into their little beds)
It broke my heart some more. Then it rained.

THEN IT RAINED. My eyes can't seem to dry up. I don't know any more if am crying because of the Babies I could not take home with me last night, or if it is the fact that I rejected a nice young handsome man  because I was angry at his recent disappearance or if it has indeed been a long 31 years!

I'm not sure anymore. But it sure feels like it has been a long long life. Irony of it is I prayed to God this morning to allow me watch my one year old say his I DO to the love of his life.

Dear God, I thank you for the humbling experiences you place in my path, whenever I seem to waver from your way. 

I have a lot to be grateful for. I know I do. A hot meal at the end of the day and little hugs and smiles that just keep me going.

And my prayer right now, is I stop focusing on 'I' and instead focus on 'THEM'.

Them will be defined by you. However, someone lend me an umbrella or better still send me some sun.. because it is still raining at mine.

Listening to Bonnie Tyler's Total Eclipse of the Heart and Miley Cyrus's Wrecking Ball on repeat. I know, am phasing, going through a session of beating myself up over a misinformed choice. Maybe not entirely misinformed but overzealous move. I went in well aware of the consequences and now am paying. Thought I was strong enough to live and leave unscathed.. but am leaving with lots of pain and aches in places untouchable.

"Don't you ever say, I just walked away, I will always want you"

Yes, It is raining.