Memoirs

December 29, 2010. It will always be a special day. Special evening. you were an emotional pack right from the first day. 2 years later, you are telling me your dreams. For a baby who didn't see much of her Dad, you ask about him more than your sister. You are a serious little girl. You care for detail. Its hard to describe you in one word. Actually, it gets kinda hard to describe you at all. And am your mother. You call me Mummy. You call out for me, in the middle of a nightmare. You cry when i disappear when you know am supposed to be home. You comb my hair when i least expect it. You, Love me back in the best way you know how. You share your food with me, whenever you have. You have taught your sister how to share. Did I mention that you were fully coherent before you made 18 months! Azzaria, your father calls you. I call you Lexi. Well, Lexi, this journey that we are on, is gonna be a great one. I can't promise you much, but I can promise to love you always. Whatever you do

"Mummy, I count for you?" 1-2-3-4-9-8-6-7-5 "Taira, can you count again" 1-2-3-4-5!!! yay!! We have 5 in its rightful place. This little child of mine has come from far. Remember the child she was the first day she came home. All Dark, with practically no fat on her legs..(ntumbwe) Not that she was a premature- full term but small child she was. Always had a serious look on her face though. One that said, I know Mum, all will be ok. funny, even the father thinks that's what she's always telling him. So, my miracle baby-Altaira N. 4 years later, I look at you taking care of everyone, and I know, Altairah I did something right. You have suffered so, in these 4 few years that you've seen so far But I believe that the best is yet to come. Your best years are ahead of you. Sometimes, I wish I knew how to make you just be my baby. Not opening doors for your sister or putting the groceries in the fridge as soon as i get home. Last night, your sister asked you t

He's 5 months now. Five whole months. And a whole new experience all together. I am a repeat offender and I thought that Mothering would come easily this time round Afterall, I've been at it for a while now. But no, this young lad insists on being his own man. His first word is ' Awo ' in response to hello He's my first baby to reject dairy milk. I know he shouldn't be doing dairy before 1 year of age but Formula is not easy on the pocket. Single parenting....hmmm So, Micah Adam....I love the sound of that. You are YOU. We all love you. Your sisters hate it when you cry. They still treat you as their favorite toy. We love you Micah. Keep growing My Son

When I woke up this morning, I was sure it would be a perfect day. I knew beyond reasonable human doubt, that as long as the sun held high up there My heart would be smiling. I felt it in my heart, that all my loved ones would have a perfect day. But, I forgot one thing, I disrespected a superior power. These things are not mine to predict, they are not mine to decide. Some of my loved ones are in mourning. A workmate lost his sister. Now, that's not what I was looking forward to. I'd replayed in my mind conversations, soft teasing banter for the 10 hours I'd be sharing with my workmates. None of the conversations I'd set up included funeral arrangements, travel arrangements or TEARS. Yet there has been tears in this office room this morning. Tears brought on by the loss of a loved one. Once again am humbled into submission. I can only celebrate that which i have seen. And only openly anticipate the rest, but not count on the rest which am yet to see. This Does not mean

Take a look at me now.... My smile is full, and My glass is half full. You are my son. My love, my baby. I love you son. I love you.

I HAD QUIT For a long time now, i've been living in quit land. I'd quit of my family's future. I'd quit on responsible spending. I'd quit on parenting my children. I'd quit on my friends and family. I'd quit on my life. I'd quit on my salvation I'd quit on the love of my life. ;-) And I lied. I lied to all that everything was fine. I lied to my prayer partners that I was still standing with them. I lied to myself that I didn't simply care anymore. You don't just stop caring. Once you care, you can't stop. My Little girl believes I can make the nausea go away. "Mummy, give me medicine so that i dont kusemema" "Mummy, my stomach is pain me, come and say sorry" You dont stop caring. So today I UNQUIT. Yes, i am un-quitting Am not that girl who gives up. My children need a stable future..and am not quitting anymore. Am not that mother who chooses my life over my children's welfare. Am not that mother who chooses to giv