Memoirs

The year is nearly over.. And yes, I am going with the flow. Getting all sentimental and making all those wishes which I am very sure I will break before December 31 comes by. But oh well, the emotions are just right for this kind of thing. Emotions? Yes, it's that time of the month where my hormones send me on an emotional seesaw. Am torn between staying happy or angry at everything that is failing to go right. It would not be so hard on me if the cramps were less painful. But, I have to contend with these excruciating abdominal cramps and a mood that just won't make up it's mind. Another thing that is not helping is all my 'special' friends seem to have given up on me. I have to be strong for me today. I know I have to-let me see if reminiscing about the year will make my mood lighter. I remember this season with half a smile. Okay, the other half of the smile is on the inside. It was a nice time for me. Carefree to say the least. I lived like there was nothing i

Nobody’s memory is perfect or complete. We jumble things up, loose track of time. Here in one place then another and it all feels like one long, inescapable moment. I know that because every time I have something to write about- I end up writing about five different things and confuse not only myself but almost everyone within a five mile reading radius.  It is never my intention however to tell seven different stories within one- I am not generous by design just by circumstance (at least I'd like to think so about myself). It has been a year of things going wrong- feels like the gods chose this year to be the one year I achieve so much then lose almost all of it within the same year. What I did wrong, I can't exactly tell. But I keep telling myself, I could be paying for all the sins that have been put against my name from the day I got here. Hold that thought, aren't those sins supposed to have been cleared the moment I went on my knees to say, "Dear Lord, forgive

Energy can neither be created nor destroyed. This principle, called conservation of energy, is one of our most cherished laws of physics. It governs every part of our lives: the heat it takes to warm up a cup of coffee; the chemical reactions that produce oxygen in the leaves of trees; the orbit of Earth around the sun; the food we need to keep our hearts beating. We cannot live without eating, cars do not run without fuel, and perpetual-motion machines are just a mirage. So when an experiment seems to violate the law of energy conservation, we are rightfully suspicious. What happens when our observations seem to contradict one of science’s most deeply held notions: that energy is always conserved? This is bound to become another draft that sits on my list until I tap delete. I started out yesterday with a lot of inspiration and had all these words and ideas flowing. But just as I maximized my page to write, the phone rung and School needed me thirty minutes before they calle

Once when I was sixteen years of age, I landed on a cassette with Miriam Makeba's music. Didn't know what that album was but I sang along to 17 of the 18 songs on that cassette like my life depended on it. My Grand parents had no option but to love the music on it- Yes, they'd bought it on one of their trips to South Africa but had never really "felt" the music. Years later, am sitting at my desk, listening to the same music and wishing I would feel sixteen again. The Album is called Folk Songs from Africa . Beautiful music, but the again when did she ever disappoint? At sixteen, I honestly didn't what I wanted from Life. I lived for the day. Well, most times, I lived for the next book my Grandpa had found me or the next song that was trending on the airwaves. I didn't know why girls in my class were so wound up about who was seen talking to "their boy". I didn't know why so much fuss was created about a baby being born to the family. I didn&

My 21 days' journey is coming to an end in less than 24 hours!!! Hooray! I've learnt a lot or rather re-learned quite some. That is not why I find myself exhausted though. Mama, I will not whine about what you never told me regarding adulthood. See, it has been more than a fortnight of me not writing anything. It's not that I've been in limbo, no. I have lived through many moments I would have loved to share with you here but I couldn't. I couldn't breathe Mama, i've been choking on the very air that has been keeping me going. #Sigh There are all these expectations around me that make me want to escape to a not known place. Don't get me wrong, am not complaining about motherhood. That is just about the only fulfilling responsibility in my stance right now. But, I've made the acquaintance of people. Some good. Really good people who have put me as priority in my time of need. Others came to my space to use me a sample for whatever relational experimen

Timecheck: 04:06hrs. Even the frogs are quiet. An occasional vehicle sound is heard every few minutes-no hoots just a moving vehicle. I've been awake for an hour or so yet I slept slightly after midnight. Eh! This should not turn into a habit! No, it shouldn't. Today is day 2 of 21 days of Me. But it's not over yet and I therefore don't want to talk about it~that would be premature. Last evening however, I got home to a house full of needs and aches, it hurt. Meet Didi, my 24 year old Autistic Cousin. His is a severe case of Autism we actually have to give him his bath and most times it takes him 2 hours or more to walk from the Dining table to the bathroom which is about 10 (ten) baby steps away. He is Special to me. Very special. So, I came home to find Didi sweating 3 steps away from the bathroom door and my househelp seemed overwhelmed. I had to take over but not before she told me the water guys had been here and there was no water running from the taps anymore!! G

Today started me on a twenty one day journey where I will be the Head of a household and an entire family. No, not today- Flag off was Yesterday evening but First day on the job was today.<< scratch that Take Two: This morning, Reality finally hit home that for the next 21 days I will have children, grand children, aunts and uncles- neighbors too on my case. " But you have always done this Momo" Yes, I have. But not to this level, a few things were conveniently not mine to think about. I had mastered the art of looking the other way when some of the above mentioned members surfaced. "So, what happened? How come you are in the driving seat now?"  Well, my Partner in Action has gone a-mothering. And now, I am here. It has been three years since I slept in a house where I was the only adult. Last evening, I flagged her off and for the first time in very many years I saw a Woman who needed me. A Woman who seeks love just like she gives it. I wished she were going

Dear Mama, it's rather awkward opening this letter to you. See, I would like to say "I hope you are doing well" but then that does not sound right at all. It's been many years now. However, I will tell you that I am okay. Last evening I passed by what used to be your work place. I remember the day you took me to have my tooth extracted then you bought me Schweppes- just like it happened yesterday. That was the only day I came by your workplace. Well, the building is still standing but Coffee Marketing Board is no longer in existence. We have been running after your retirement benefits for a long time now but there seems to be nothing coming through. However, still we push on. Meanwhile, since you've been gone, so much has changed. If you were to come back right now, believe me you'd need a tour guide and strength to read through so many manuals. Not so long ago, a man murdered his girlfriend in cold blood. Imagine this, she was in a 1.5m by 1.5m or thereabout

Ever been somewhere and all you can think about is Sleep? Good old, mind consuming, snore (and others) inducing sleep? Well, happened to me today. Normally, afternoons are not exactly my most productive parts of my day but they are most alert times of the day (Something sounds grammatically wrong with this line).. But yeah, by 14:00 hours am as alert as a mother hen who has sensed a kite flying around her little ones. However, today was just wrong. Nothing worked out the way it usually does- So, I slept. I sleep talked, sleep thought, sleep went to the bathroom and everything sleep. This is how it started out. A boss chose today to be the day he lays off one of his employees! Today of all days. Okay, that was my problem but there was nothing I could do about it. So, powerless as I was, I chose to go find food. Yes, I stress eat. With every morsel of food down my throat, I kind of forget about the issue at hand. Be it a heartbreak, job loss, sick child- or someone taking me for granted.

New month is upon us, I believe all time zones should have congregated to the new month of September by now. Well, if anybody hasn't yet, they soon will. It's Day two already! This morning, I woke up with a determination to do something different. Leave my bed without the alarm going off twice, get to work on time, and everything else that I failed to do last month. Well, I tried my best. I got to work five minutes before the official clock-in.... #Drums So, it is a new month, huh? New things should be coming in leaps, right? Right. aah! Did I hear a "Happy new month?" Nah, not yet. But I did hear about a break up. Yes!! A couple did break up this morning. But then again, who does that? Who breaks up at the start of a month? Especially since School is just starting and the weather is so wrong for a single lifer. How will the bills get paid? Who really does break up with their lover just like that? With a reason as fickle as she forgot to wish his Mother a Happy Birthd

Dear Friend, I do not hope you are doing well at all. I am not usually a hateful person but something about the memory of you brings out all the hate in me. See, you and I were close. You knew my dinner plans two days ahead. You reminded me to burp my little one after a feed, you reminded me to check on the cake baking in the oven. You were with me. Physically apart we were but the thousands of miles and difference in time zones didnot matter. In an era where whatsapp messenger, viber and all the messenger clan members were not yet born..we managed to keep in touch every minute of everyday. In you I found a friend, confidante and everyone warm and fluffy. Not even the man with whom I shared my bed, body and baby could elicit a smile as wide as the one that flashed whenever my phone vibrated. #Sigh You were my sister, brother, best friend and my Me. So, the day you called to tell me you'd be in town for a three day training was no doubt a happy one for me. I knew we were not going t

Many a time we set standards in almost all areas of our lives. Standard Setting is very advisable. Standard setting is the methodology used to define levels of achievement or proficiency and the cut-scores corresponding to those levels. A cut-score is simply the score that serves to classify the candidates whose score is below the cut-score into one level and the candidates whose score is at or above the cut-score into the next and higher level. Clearly, unless the cut-scores are appropriately set, the results of the assessment could come into question. For that reason, standard setting is a critical component of the test development process.  Take that up there and apply to day to day situations. We set standards for our friends, acquaintances. We selectively decide on who we allow on our friends' lists, even which relatives we visit or grow close to. (yes, there is such a thing as relatives we are not close to and others we don't like at all.) Thing is, we expect people to le

“We are what we repeatedly do.” ~Aristotle That holds so true. I have become so routine I can go through my day in my sleep. As in, I will wake up uh-hm freshen the kids and I, get breakfast done and served and on.. (you get the drill) And I can do this with a blindfold. That is just so wrong- It's a small wonder I've not yet grown mold. What with the stagnancy and all. I officially add another year to my collection in a couple of days. And I got thinking.. you know how one goes down that melancholy road when the year is coming to an end? You get all serious, sentimental and everything bright and futuristic. Well, yes, I am at that place. Reviewed my life as was, is and how I want it to be. Life has been good to me. Really good. It has placed friends in my life. People I would not replace even though I had all artillery from the Gaza strip pointing at me. People like +Onadit  (hey man, sorry but I just can't get over your selflessness). I got quite a list of them great peop

So I learnt a new word today.. Soliloquy a noun defined as "an act of speaking one's thoughts aloud when by oneself or regardless of any hearers, especially by a character in a play." Away from new words and all, I learnt something new last night (aren't we always?) Well, I learnt that parenting is not so much about the your account balance but rather how much heart balance you have. Wait, before you tell me about the diapers and medical, school and all those other bills, hear me out. Parenting weighs more on the soul than it does on the wallet. You know that moment when you hear about the loss of the neighbor's thirteen year old daughter. That moment when you go through a list of apparent lumpens who should have been the ones to die instead (forgive me) but I don't have kind words for  That Guy  who molested and murdered a 7 year old child and is still roaming the village neighborhood. Atti released on police bond!!! So, Last night was one of those nights wh

  Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light. I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night. – Sarah Williams Words are our most important discovery. Forget about fire, forget about all the places we’ve been to, and all the places we’ll reach. Words allow us to see farther than any telescope. And, at the same time, words allow us to see inside each and everyone of us, to see every lever and gauge and all the other tiny elements that make us work. So it’s also a microscope. Sometimes you read something a stranger wrote on a lonely night and you feel less lonely. You feel like you somehow know them, and your only regret in the world is that you haven’t read their words sooner. It doesn't matter that it’s late and you’re tired, it doesn't matter that tomorrow the words will still be there. Sometimes you read something that’s so good that you want to absorb it all, you want for those words to become you, to express  who you are. Words written

So, here I was blushing and feeling all great and nice because he told me "You were made for comfort," Its not wrong. He was not wrong. That is what I am to him. His comfort. Been called a  'Guardian angel' (aaaaawwwwww.. cute right?) :) :D ) Yes, am all that above and more. Problem is, all the above does not change the fact that much as I love giving, am seeking a giver. Just the other day, it hit me after the lights had gone out. And I was in my bed alone, cold and sad. And Alone. That night, none of my charity runs made sense... all the smiles I'd helped put on so many people's faces earlier that day, and etc. None of them could hold me and tell me all was going to be OK. None of them was telling me that  My Son  was just teething and the stomach irritation would pass soon. I needed someone to address my House Searching issue. That statement "You were made for comfort" did nothing to help. Instead it made think about why I was only remembered whe

The evening of July 3, 2014 is one  I will not forget anytime soon. I stood up in a crowd and danced to  Ssemusajja  it was actually laughable. The whole experience was laughable. Wait, i am working on something serious at an internet cafe, needed to send it yesterday at 6p.m but my phone blacked out at such an inconvenient time, had left my charger at my place of work and I was also in an environment where no one had a charger to lend or even an open socket where I would charge if I had somehow managed to find a charger. Times like these make me miss my laptop. One of these days, I should close my eyes and just replace the damn thing. I need it more now than I ever needed it before. I wish this money knew just how much I need it. Maybe then it would avail itself with ease. So, I was telling you about last night. The Sound Cup - honestly, I've been to Tutti Frutti before (the ice-cream is cheaper at the Fruitti place as opposed to The Sound Cup) naye I had never ventured to Maurice

Little boy of three,  with cares so free, aiming for a life up in the tree, Because I was born to be free. Young Man of Fifteen, Not as active as other teens, See, my voice is locked up in a tin, I am a child with a Special Need, Autism is not a disease, I live inside my mind with ease, But y'all look at me with unease, I was not bewitched, I am a Special Person. Accept me as I am, I have accepted myself. (c) Okunga July2014 .................................. We continue our Journey  to DXB (the free Arab destination). Our boarding call finally came through and  by then I had been feasted on by all manner of mosquitoes, cold and hunger so I was so ready to move. Tried buying a chocolate bar, but I couldn't. The Uganda Shillings I had on me were not enough to be changed to Kenyan currency and oh no, I didn't wanna touch the USD I had on me. There was a long shopping list attached to that currency. In the wake of terrorist attacks, I was wary of four guys all dressed in Mosle

Time Check? Way past official working hours. The office room is deserted, everyone has gone home save for me. One would think I don't have a home to go. When In fact I do have more than enough reason to leave this place and rush home. See, (if you do not know) I have many children who have very many stories but seem to limit their vocabulary to just "Mummy?" when I am in the same building with them. Someone calls out "Mummy?" and calls again and again. No matter how sweetly, rudely or whatever-ly you respond, they just keep calling. Don't get me wrong, I love being called Mummy, even when am in the bath and have soap all over my body and someone is screaming for Mummy at the bathroom door. Or when I just took my place at the toilet seat............ (you get the picture, right?) So, I am in the office- Alone. Save for a couple of young men blasting away through my phone headset. There is this Song that I used to love and I think I still do love. Been playing