Now I know
Once when I was sixteen years of age, I landed on a cassette with Miriam Makeba's music. Didn't know what that album was but I sang along to 17 of the 18 songs on that cassette like my life depended on it. My Grand parents had no option but to love the music on it- Yes, they'd bought it on one of their trips to South Africa but had never really "felt" the music.
Years later, am sitting at my desk, listening to the same music and wishing I would feel sixteen again. The Album is called Folk Songs from Africa. Beautiful music, but the again when did she ever disappoint?
At sixteen, I honestly didn't what I wanted from Life. I lived for the day. Well, most times, I lived for the next book my Grandpa had found me or the next song that was trending on the airwaves.
I didn't know why girls in my class were so wound up about who was seen talking to "their boy". I didn't know why so much fuss was created about a baby being born to the family. I didn't know why my guardians were sometimes hard on us. Why they sometimes came home with long faces.... I didn't know.
Then one day am not sixteen anymore but eighteen and our small living room is filled with people. Strange faces, save for my Grandma's face. She answered my questioning expression with "He was her friend".
That was the way I was told that my Grandpa had passed on to the next life. With him had gone all my naughtiness. That marked the end of my waking up to a new book and another song on the radio. Or a new recipe that wasn't really new but oh well, we tried cooking tomatoes before adding onions and oil. With my friend. So, I grew up and learned how to account for some of my mistakes -my way. But my friend left before he had taught me about heartbreaks, sleepless nights and boys.
I still don't know much about those three things but I know a bit about smiling. I know how to smile with my face and not my heart. I know about Friends who will stick with you no matter what they are going through.
I know about Friends who will go hungry on your behalf. I know about Friends who will uphold your honor at the expense of their own. I know about Friends who wish for others to smile with their hearts.
Oh, I've also learned a thing or two about forgiveness. I know that we don't forgive so that the person who wronged us feels better but that we feel better. To this day, hatred is something that I find hard to latch onto. Anger has a way of holding our productivity and peace ransom. A ransom that is so hefty it could cost one their life. So, I learned to let things go. Been called a fool for letting people walk all over my heart and life, letting people take me for granted but there is peace in letting things go. A peace that I can equate to the best sunrise you have ever seen. A peace that is calmer than that silence that comes after a terrible storm. Forgiving and letting go is for one's self good and not the other party. So I also learned how to forgive.
Just as I learned how to forgive, I also learned how to give. I give because am given. I also give because I give. Because I've been in need before, need that left me wondering if life was worth going through anymore. Not that am not in need anymore, am sure that person whose message box is full of "Mpayo omutwalo" (Give me ten thousand shillings) knows about my needs. But I've been in worse situations and when I was there, I received. So I give. Whenever I have, whenever I can. Whenever.
Alright, can't find a perfect sign off. am I supposed to sign off?
cheers.
Years later, am sitting at my desk, listening to the same music and wishing I would feel sixteen again. The Album is called Folk Songs from Africa. Beautiful music, but the again when did she ever disappoint?
At sixteen, I honestly didn't what I wanted from Life. I lived for the day. Well, most times, I lived for the next book my Grandpa had found me or the next song that was trending on the airwaves.
I didn't know why girls in my class were so wound up about who was seen talking to "their boy". I didn't know why so much fuss was created about a baby being born to the family. I didn't know why my guardians were sometimes hard on us. Why they sometimes came home with long faces.... I didn't know.
Then one day am not sixteen anymore but eighteen and our small living room is filled with people. Strange faces, save for my Grandma's face. She answered my questioning expression with "He was her friend".
He was her friend.
That was the way I was told that my Grandpa had passed on to the next life. With him had gone all my naughtiness. That marked the end of my waking up to a new book and another song on the radio. Or a new recipe that wasn't really new but oh well, we tried cooking tomatoes before adding onions and oil. With my friend. So, I grew up and learned how to account for some of my mistakes -my way. But my friend left before he had taught me about heartbreaks, sleepless nights and boys.
I still don't know much about those three things but I know a bit about smiling. I know how to smile with my face and not my heart. I know about Friends who will stick with you no matter what they are going through.
I know about Friends who will go hungry on your behalf. I know about Friends who will uphold your honor at the expense of their own. I know about Friends who wish for others to smile with their hearts.
Oh, I've also learned a thing or two about forgiveness. I know that we don't forgive so that the person who wronged us feels better but that we feel better. To this day, hatred is something that I find hard to latch onto. Anger has a way of holding our productivity and peace ransom. A ransom that is so hefty it could cost one their life. So, I learned to let things go. Been called a fool for letting people walk all over my heart and life, letting people take me for granted but there is peace in letting things go. A peace that I can equate to the best sunrise you have ever seen. A peace that is calmer than that silence that comes after a terrible storm. Forgiving and letting go is for one's self good and not the other party. So I also learned how to forgive.
Just as I learned how to forgive, I also learned how to give. I give because am given. I also give because I give. Because I've been in need before, need that left me wondering if life was worth going through anymore. Not that am not in need anymore, am sure that person whose message box is full of "Mpayo omutwalo" (Give me ten thousand shillings) knows about my needs. But I've been in worse situations and when I was there, I received. So I give. Whenever I have, whenever I can. Whenever.
Alright, can't find a perfect sign off. am I supposed to sign off?
cheers.
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