Memoirs

At two years, three months and twent nine days Lexi called me Mama. don't get me wrong, she's not speech handicapped. She's been adressing me as Mummy since I can remember when. But she'd never called me Mama. I've been mummy to her because everyone around her addresses me as such. Last night, she had a nightmare, and she came to my bed, woke me up crying, all the time calling me Mama. my heart flipped. The emotions that run through me were unspeakable. My girl called me mama. Azzie called me mama. And that, just that one word keeps me going. No one will make me let go of that. The midnight hugs, the smiles, i'd kill for them. This is my life's purpose. I've found my life's purpose. I was created to be Mummy. Their mother, MA, Mom, mommy-MAMA. Love my kids Village Girl (Mother, Friend, Neighbor)

I'll tell you what Sunday morning wasn't when I was but a little girl. It wasn't a work day. Nah, we didn't have to do anything save for bathe, eat, sleep, eat again and sleep. Sometimes, even playing was a no go. We used to go to church sometimes. Rare as they were, church going Sundays were my favorite day of the week. Not because I loved God that much (I do now) but because I got to show off my memory antics. And I could read better than those snob looking so called smartly dressed kids. It was my time to shine. I didn't have shoes on my feet I wore the same blue and white dress each time but I could read the Bible in whichever language it was presented. And I could memorize entire psalms. Then I had to go and just grow up. For some reason I'll never understand, my cute blue dress didn't fit no more. I was not a cute Psalm spitting 7 year old anymore, and I had to be carted off to a boarding school somewhere. That was the end of my fantasy life. My tree c

Been listening to  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1OTWCd40bc This one line keeps me hitting replay ; " Am on the Shit that you can smell baby- so put down your perfume " This is the last night of normal, of certainty. A new chapter begins tomorrow.  In the silence of this night the realization stings....Drat!! This had to happen now.  Its been normal happening for me to think about this one person. Remind myself all the hurtful things that went down Hurt myself over and over again. Pain and hurt has been normal. This night, I've been trying so hard to remember when I last thought about him and I can't. am trying to hurt at the fact that he got engaged to his new girlfriend, and I can't! My friends and relatives think am covering up, but inside my heart, there is a joy. A joy that I can't really define.  could it be that "Peace that knows no understanding" has finally found its way to my soul? Could it be that I finally got over him. Hahahahaa, well,

Hey Scrumptious, So, I've been thinking alot about you. Yes you. I know I said my goodbyes and all. I promised myself, promised my friends it was over. But then again, this is me. I can lie to the rest of the world, but I can't lie to my heart. I can't lie to you. I miss you in a way I didn't know was even possible.  The guy who penned the lines "Never knew lonely could tear your heart in two" could have must have known I'd at some point feel that way. How I wish I could hear your voice, just one last time.  I wish I could feel your breath at the back of my neck just one last time. Just once. Let me love you, just one more time. I wonder, if you i've been thinking about you And I wonder, if he knows I can feel him And I wonder, in my dreams when am ...oh boy!! I sit outside at night after the whole world has gone to sleep  and I look at the stars shining brightly up there. A thought-the same thought always crosses my mind Is he seeing these stars? Do y

Outside my window: Beautiful. Its raining and the sun is shining!! :) all at the same time. Wow.. God is great!!  Wish I had a good camera.. awwwwwwwww, very nice. I am thinking: He's the lighting am thunder... yeah ok, been listening to Kelly Rowland's 'Train on a track' and I just can't stop it playing over and over again in my little brain.This brain of mine with a very low retention whatever. Anyways, am thinking about thinking. In the Kitchen: yeah, lots of things. I hear am on cook duty tomorrow. Ouch!!! A promise I'll have to break. Gotta go to work. Yes Sir, am back to working Sundays.. Hmm! my Sunday breakfast with the lovelies have come to an end. :( I am Thankful: for the Rain. For this week that is coming to a close. Yes, for my friends. and oh yeah .. hahahaha.. Aunt Flow!!! YAY- Don't ask. :-) I am creating: Routines. Workable routines. I am going: to work tomorrow. I am hoping: She didn't take my charger with her. Would be terrible if we a

Time check: 8:40 A.M I feel like every nerve ending in my body is being crushed with every thing i say, do. Drat! Even washing my hands just hurt. Heavenly Father, it's my day off from work. But then its not my day off from being Mummy and Caretaker. I need to close my eyes, just a lil bit and I'll write more. just a bit, it hurts. couldn't make a minute before they swarmed in on me. even shutting my eyes hurts. Been waiting for this pain killer to take effect but looks like it just wont. Alright, how is it that some people can actually spend time away from their kids and feel no remorse at all? Seriously, how do people abandon children? I got lots lined up today. Grocery shopping, dusting and cleaning, laundry, and oh yeah its movie night! Hmmm! Then there's diffusing fights and making sure the attacked and attacker both go away with their pride and smiles intact. All in a day's work. There is also biting my lip so as not to comment about certain topics around the

Ouch! This hurts. Really hurts. Even washing my face hurts

Outside my window ...Its a sunny day. Not Hot though, just the right weather to keep happy. Much as am not sad, am not smiling either. Wasting the sun rays-that am doing. I am thinking ...About the week that has been. My son makes a new month tomorrow :-) The journey continues. Its a beautiful journey. Worth every thorn prick, stone cuts, heat flashes and sleepless nights. Its worth it. I am thankful ...For the week that is ending. For my friends, family, workmates (yeah, they got me drunk on Monday, but owkay) am still thankful that they always have my back. I acknowledge that am not the best person to have in any corner but they smile at me/with me every morning. In the kitchen ...Officially out. Menu planning on this afternoon for next week. Tomorrow i hit the grocery stores and market and everything. time for re-fill.  I am wearing ...My Hijab. Complete with new shoes!! I am creating ...bedspreads for the girls. Alright, started with just one. I am going ...Movie tomorrow night. Ju

Outside my Window: Bright sunlight. Too bright-- no more dinners on a monday night especially with such a rowdy group. Ok. scratch that. No more drink ups after the Dinner. Next time, just eat food and head home- these coffee things, i hear just one wine glass... Am thankful for this day today. Its been a great day. Couldn't focus much but achieved quite some. Surprised myself too. All the Rest-God is great. Quote:  “A man is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”   http://thesimplewomansdaybook.blogspot.com/

Outside my window...am writing from a friend's apartment. Crazy traffic outside her window. Wonder how she gets any shut eye in an environment like this.  I am Listening to Reggae music, only genre that makes me forget anything- even a heartache.!! Throw in some Weeknd explicit tunes and am smiling more. I know u love that smile... I do too. I am thankful...This traffic makes me thankful for laid back environment at home. Yeah, so out of the city and all, traffic jams are killer but the peace when i get home is worth it. In the kitchen..... huh!!! That's a hard one- was terrified of looking at the empty shelves. Aunt said she'd do the refilling- I am wearing...actually smartly corporately dressed. Thanks to that meeting that was cancelled.  I am creating...new company policies I am going... for office dinner tonyt- hmmm! in my suit!!! yay.. This chic should find me a dress- can't get home at 11pm still looking like this. these impromptu things- I am wondering...Why the

Sunday Evening: Third entry of my Day Book.     April 14, 2013 Outside my window: the Clouds are gathering. Looks like we'll have some rain tonight. Its been a lovely SUN day though. Totally enjoyed it, though I missed church. Am Thinking: Maybe I should just close this whole crushing project down. For a number of months now, I've not been able to think about any other man but this one guy. Crazy huh? He's miles away and I have a crush on him bigger than anything i've ever experienced before. Last night and the whole of today got me thinking- and asking meself: is it real? am i giving it more attention than i should? I am Thankful: That I have Sundays off. Working on Sunday was not a bad thing, but the smiles on my babies' faces at breakfast were...worth killing for. We missed church but we had fun and lots of love shared. In the Kitchen: Save for a pitcher of juice and milk... am out of supplies. yeah.. I know, right. I am wearing: a jean wrapper dress that makes m

Outside my window ... Children playing in the sand- Its a weekend. No school.. yay.. lots of beautiful sounds- Children laughing. Nostalgia that comes with these days... ;( I am thinking. ... about letting go. sliding into comfortable old lifestyle. Thinking of waking up from the dream. Its been a long one this one.  I am thankful ... Last night, I slept well. Very well. In the kitchen .... Saturday... Junk food I am wearing ...this little dress that my government is seeking to ban. I love me small clothes. Show off leg! I am creating .... a shawl. feels good to have something to do with my hands other than watching the phone waiting for a text or a call. I am going ...House party... yay!!! guilt trips- will check in tomorrow. I am wondering ... actually am not wondering anymore- i know for real.  I am reading ...yes....between yesterday and today- I opened a book. Jeffery Archer- Shall we tell the President! I am hoping .... Micah gets his locomotion in order I am looking forward to .

....... it does mean the beginning of a brand new day. I used to be scared of the night. Darkness terrified me. I hated going home in the evenings. Evening generally brought about a sadness that I couldn't shake. Going home after school, even after work meant prison. Sunset meant prison for me. Home was a prison That was then.... Now... I've learnt or still learning that the end of something does not necessarily signify the end of my happiness. When something ends, I have another chance to find something better, or try out something totally different. I have learnt to embrace change. I have learnt to love the dark. I have learnt to love me. I look forward to evenings at home, I hardly remember what it was like out there. True it must have been fun, it was fun otherwise i couldn't have stayed out long but evenings at home are the best part of my day. Just the other day, a friend called me during work hours and she called me again after hours- And she went like, you sound ha

Outside my window ... Sun is finally shining. :-) I am thinking. ..Not clear thought that I can put on paper. Everything is just mambo  jumbo I am thankful ...I woke up today. My family has food on their plates and every one is warm, well and healthy In the kitchen ...Staple Rice, lots of fruit- (glad there is fruit)- need to pick up some  yogurt I am wearing ...Jeans and my favorite silver grey blouse. (that one my sister gave me for Christmas 2012) I am creating ...New memories I am going ...came to work this morning, and am going home after this. I am wondering ...am i one of many?  I am reading ...Haven't opened a book yet. Keep meaning to I am hoping ...Next week will be a better week I am looking forward to ...Making dinner tonight. Hope i can surprise myself yet again I am learning ..... Love is as simple as simple is. Being loved back is the best feeling in the world Around the house ...Nothing much to show I am pondering ... A favorite quote for today .. If you can solve y

yes, we have two new teeth. Two little pearly items gracing the previously bare pink gum. Pretty lovely sight. Years ago, I used to tell myself that I would be happy in the future. Kept tellling myself that the best was yet to come. That tomorrow would be the best day of my life. Little did i know that i kept pushing my happiness to the next day yet Tomorrow was already here. I kept disregarding my self. But you, Little Child, Micah Adam have taught me that my happy ending is now. My Happily ever after is here already. I have a boy child and my prayers have been answered. He's handsome to boot, has a smile for everyone. Even hold conversations.. oh yeah, i can hear your ooohs and aaahs even when am stuck in the mother of all traffic jams. Having you makes even the dentist's chair bearable. Thank you Son. Thank you for reminding me that my future is now. My future is here. Thank you for teaching me love. Thank you for giving me love that I never thought existed. This feeling I h