Memoirs

A little over two years ago, I got bored with life. Not that I didn't have things to do, no. In fact I had a lot of things to do. There was a job to go to five days a week. A house hold full of humans that needed Mummy, Aunt, Cousin, Nephew, Boss for one thing or another. Matter of fact, my life was full but it was empty. So, one idle night I purchased a data bundle and logged into or rather re-activated all my social media accounts. For most of them if not all of them, I had to go about re-setting passwords but I got onto social media anyway. Top of all was #Facebook and it had lots of drama my own life seemed like the most boring cartoon a parent can force their children to watch on a rainy afternoon. However, midst all the drama, there was one or two people who seemed sane and they seemed like they had their wits around them. One of them was a young man called Ivan Onapito . I liked his reasoning and general outlook on a number of social issues. One thing led to another and

The first day I thought about death, it was kind of scary. And the first few days after that, I was worried and at the same time ashamed of my thoughts. I felt guilty for thinking such 'bad thoughts'. Whenever I sat on a motorbike, I imagined what my lifeless body would look like if we crushed into a trailer or a commuter taxi or simply just fell into a trench. I thought about how my bad thoughts would take along another innocent person's life... me and my death wish. With time, it became comforting. I actually found solace in the thought of being no more. Of my existence becoming obliterated. Of forever no more. Then I looked at my children. I seem to be their every need's provider. A fight amongst themselves will never be cleared if Mummy does not say something. Even a fall at school will still 'hurt' until Mummy says sorry! Micah... oh my Micah, has learned to ask Mummy to forgive him whenever he does something wrong. Goes all stuttery on me after he

The title to this post sounds a bit vain ... We've often been told never to blow our own trumpets and everything that has self appreciation in it is usually frowned at. However, today I will take a moment and appreciate myself. Below is why: The last two days have seen me play nurse, mother, mentor, chef, farmer, friend, disciplinarian, Logistics officer, technician and Person. I came home Saturday evening to a house full of worried kids-their care taker was crying her heart out. For a moment, I forgot about the bag of #Hershey's Kisses that needed to be placed in the fridge and everything else and jumped into her bed. Rubbed her back, held her close and talked until the sobs stopped and we could get the story out. My children were shocked. They had never in their wildest imaginations thought that 1. Aunt Martha cries or 2. Mummy would be holding their Aunt Martha like she does them. But we all took it in stride and have not yet brought it back for discussion. Martha was d

Dear Father of my Children, I will believe you are doing well. It is not assumption because you said so yourself. "I have learned to live with and love my demons". I am happy for you. It has been a while since you and I talked but its sad to see that not much, in fact, nothing has changed about our view of specific ideas. But then again the collection of 'things' said to each other increased some last night. See, you kept away from us on grounds that you were tired and done with all my crap. What crap? I do not know. Whenever I can, I ask myself what kind of crap I served you that made you go back on the promises you made to the Children. Promises to take them places, buy them things and all that. And for a reason I fail to see, it is my fault that you will not care if the children you fathered have shoes on their little feet or a drink of water. You and I did fall out when we did-that is okay. We each went on to find other people with whom to share whatever

Last week, my love for being helpful found me staring at an office notice board. There was a nicely put piece about everyday being the first day of the rest of your life, so ... whatever. (I hardly remember what the rest of it said.) But I do remember that today was is the day, my future starts. And I do not know what it holds but today is that day that I change my attitude towards work and my boss. I will work on that for the rest of the night. Tomorrow will be another start of my new life as and if it comes by.

The last time I posted a memoir was in error. One that got me panicked so bad I pulled down the whole blog. My intention was never to hurt anyone or scandalize anybody for that matter. I decided (was forced to decide) not to write down anything. Not that nothing was happening wherever I have been, a lot has indeed been happening but for the love of reading, I didn't feel the urge to write. Always had one excuse or another. I told myself, when I get a new laptop and phone I will start writing- that I did and still could not even write a Haiku . January has been a beautiful month and as equally dull. I found myself addicted to Candy Crush there was little else I could think of. Candy Crush has been my cigarette, my coffee, my pillow and my teddy bear when I needed to let something out. Ah, that and a non-friend of mine to whom I had become so addicted to talking to, they seemed to be my other Candy Crush. Well, until they decided to push me out of their lives. But anyway, that i