An open letter to you, Taata w'abaana

Dear Father of my Children,

I will believe you are doing well. It is not assumption because you said so yourself. "I have learned to live with and love my demons". I am happy for you.

It has been a while since you and I talked but its sad to see that not much, in fact, nothing has changed about our view of specific ideas. But then again the collection of 'things' said to each other increased some last night.

See, you kept away from us on grounds that you were tired and done with all my crap. What crap? I do not know. Whenever I can, I ask myself what kind of crap I served you that made you go back on the promises you made to the Children. Promises to take them places, buy them things and all that. And for a reason I fail to see, it is my fault that you will not care if the children you fathered have shoes on their little feet or a drink of water.

You and I did fall out when we did-that is okay. We each went on to find other people with whom to share whatever other aspects of our lives. However, The Children remain between you and I. Neither of us will find another person to biologically re-parent them. However much we love the new people in our lives, they will never have our children's DNA. We will have other Babies from our new relationships but they can't replace these ones.

So, dear Taata w'abaana, when you withhold school fees for the children just because we failed to agree to a school to which they should go, yes, I do hurt. But its your own blood and flesh too. You punish your flesh. Fine, foot their medical bill if you will not foot the education. And no, it's not that you do not have it, but just because you believe you are punishing my big headedness. I will cry it out, work and beg until I find the needed money. I will.
Upto until now, I believed in 'they are my children as much as they are his'. So, if he will not support them, I will assume he died and do this on my own. However, after last night's phonecall, that thought changed a bit. You mentioned something about me brainwashing your children. Cultivating hate for you.
My dear supposed to be co-parent, I have little to no strength for that. Never did, never would. 95% of their little lives' have been taken care of by me but I always told them "Daddy bought you this". To them you are the best Dad. Take for instance the youngest one, he talks more Daddy than the other two, do you think he has read a book about you? Well, I make it a point to tell him about you. He will never know that his mother walked to the labor ward at 5a.m in the rain whilst his father had a car parked in his compund. Or that she had to beg friends to pick her up from hospital after he'd been delivered while the father got chaufferred to his home that evening.He will not remember how jis mother laced his drinking water with a drop of jik in a bid to get rid of a persistent diarrhea while his father paid for another bigger rental. (Well, Cholera patients were treated with jik not so many years ago).

So, Ssebo, next time you feel like blaming me for keeping you away from our children, think about the list of promises that you have not yet fulfilled. They have to live through a life of no milk and they know Mummy does not have enough money to pay for the milk anymore. At their tender age, before they ask for a banana they first ask if Mummy has some money. Statements like "Mummy, when you get money, will you buy for us some bread?" Kill me every time they come. And they patiently wait until we can afford it. They never nag over things they dont have even if all their playmates have.

School started and much as they do not have all they would need, they will be fine. You mentioned something about your father not being well and you had to collectively contribute to his medical bill. I pray he gets well. I also pray these children someday collectively do this for you in your old age.

Dear Taata w'abaana, its not me you are punishing by withholding support. It's them. One day, they will get used to going to school without shoes on their feet and it will be normal. When the time you are hoping for does come round, I wish you the best of happiness.
Maama Baby.