Memoirs

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) The assumption battle is one I have fought most of my life. I've questioned friends' motives, assuming they were against me. To avoid being hurt, I've detached from relationships with no valid reasons. Perhaps you've fought the same battle? Your friend didn't respond your text with the hype that she usually; she must be upset with you, so you stopped texting or calling her. Another friend is invited to several parties you aren't; obviously the two of you are drifting apart, so you don't reach out any more. Your sister hasn't responded to your text and phone messages; she must have found another friend in whom to confide, so you stop calling her. Your Lover has not responded to a whatsapp message yet their 'last seen' is more recent than the last message you sent him/her- S/He must be getting chatty and therefore cozy with anot...

For Real?  I went to bed last night and woke up this morning with all plans of having a productively productive day. I mean I worked through the first ten pages of my proposed funding proposal (in my bed and in my head of course)... IKR. (very productive me) Now this morning i unfortunately bumped into my neighbor. (giggles) She had this for me. Mbu...there was a football match last night and her twitter timeline was ....(failed to rephrase her statement. The raw statement is too rough for my fragile eyes) Mbu.. the Red Boys were so on form her red people wished they would replay last night's match all the way to kingdom come. Aha! These things. Then also mbu the other gal/woman came crying to her atti The Other Guy had broken her heart! And am like, for real! For real real? She: But also you, what did she expect from that one? Hmmm! Can you imagine he does that for  living, I mean break hearts. It's second nature to him. I heard also that he has like oba how many other girls ...

 Walking along Kampala road last night blew my heart to smithereens. What started out as a simple walk to the Taxi park with a friend who by the way I bullied into walking with me, turned into a personal trip to a place I have not been to in a while. I've been riding on a high lately... high on adrenaline. Last night, my bubble went KABOOM! just like that. These are images of children, children who at 8p.m should be in bed, all warm and fed. Does not really matter if they are well fed or not. As long as they are not hungry! It is a human right. Where are we going? I know giving these children money keeps them on the streets, but then again its not their fault. Whichever devil put them there really cocked his gun well. And he has aim. This son of a B****h has aim. I usually buy them food stuff, if i passed by them during the day. But it was way after 8 p.m and these lovely babies were out in the cold. Scantily dressed, and it started drizzling! I was shocked when I saw a 'team l...

For years,  I had kept my love for a one Arsenal FC in the closet.. Gave myself all titles but Arsenal Supporter.... until the day they suffered a defeat!!! Dayumm!!! The guys were thrashed!!! (words of my boda guy) Huh!, I had to come out and tell him munange, I support Arsenal... Which earned me a free ride. He was so sympathetic he refused my money- (facepalm) Naye banange, 6 goals!! felt like losing two matches in one. And then I hear mbu they next week they are meeting Chelsea.. Ours are not good. I mean ours of Arsenal are not looking very pretty. So, Munange, the other day I was heading home nga I bump into This UHMG Mobile HIV Counselling and Testing Van  So I walked in. Not because I really wanted to know what my sero status was, (I mean there is no divine infection) but just because I wanted to really see the inside of this van. And Basically be a statistic. But as I was leaving (after being handed my slip) a pretty young boy with whom I'd had my blood drawn was pull...

Like for Real? So, its been a few weeks of weird revelations in my life. New friends made (ok, acquaintances) Some people lost (some died and some passed away from the list of acquaintances) and hey, who knew!! I went to Club!! Oh yes I did. Away from that, I got baptized- Oh yes I did. I so did. Its the ninth day of December, and the year is 2013- everyone is excited about the impending holidays- oh how we love Christmas. Holiday makers all over town, new rides on the roads- which come with new road accidents!! #sigh And on and on. But wait, did you hear that Arsenal FC is leading the Premier league table? Like for real? Many years of losses, I had given up on supporting any football team- local or international. And now, Arsenal is leading the league!! OM Gosh! And  Manchester United  is somewhere in  some position  that is so obscure its painful. And am like OMG! how can they do that? 13 points shy of table leaders? eh! In other News,  Uganda Cranes  los...

 My internal red light has been blinking at me for a while and I found excuses for it. Right now, its on- permanently. And it hit me, that I need to seek help. I am blocked. Aaah, I even read about this whole Writer's block phenomenon. Writer's block   is a condition, primarily associated with writing as a  profession , in which an author loses the ability to produce new work. The condition varies widely in intensity. It can be trivial, a temporary difficulty in dealing with the task at hand. Source:  Wikipedia I have created many drafts since November 25 2013 but never got round to publishing any of them. I promised a friend an article that would have ended up in one of the dailies... The Weekend edition of a leading local Daily. And I meant well. I identified my topic, and did some research, but never got round to even starting that piece.. Oh My Freaking Goodness! Now, here and now, right now, this very minute(#eyeroll- We get it), right this very moment, I will o...

Failure. A word that describes a certain event that’s been haunting us from before we even invented words. But besides fearing failure, we’re also terrified of our inability to overcome it. We are terrified that we might not rise after a fall, we’re terrified that the world won’t be the same.  Guess what? The sun will rise again the following day, and given enough time, we’ll be okay. Early on, we build ourselves a certain reality. Our reality; a certain micro-universe – the soul’s version of a personal space. And, even though most times we don’t realize it, we are the ones who give other people or certain events any power over us. We allow someone to make us feel in a certain way, or for their words to hurt us. We alone are responsible for allowing the prospect of failure to terrify us so damn much. I’ve felt this time and time again. I’ve felt that I was headed for a dead end… at top speed. I’ve felt that the road might never end, that I might never reach my destination. I was af...

Initiating Self Destruct This is it. We are shutting down isoHunt services a little early. I'm told there was this Internet archival team that wants to make historical copy of our .torrent files, I'm honoured that people thinks our site is worthy of historical preservation, but the truth is about 95% of those .torrent files can be found off Google regardless and mostly have been indexed from other BitTorrent sites in the first place. So I might as well do a proper send-off to you dear isoHunt users, before final shutdown sequence on Tuesday. It's been an adventure in the last 10.5 years working on isoHunt, a privilege working with some of the smartest guys I've worked with, and my life won't be the same without it. For what I'm working on next, please look up my blog on Google and follow me there. Because as the Terminator would say with a German accent, I'll be backkk. -Gary Fung Now i have to buy the movies and wait until the whole 24 comes out!!! OMG!!! E...

This week, and the one that came before it have been quite emotional. Emotional highs and lows. I know, I am an overly emotional being... but these last seven days have been... well, not something I will forget any time soon. I will take you way back to The Friday of last week.... got into a few altercations with people I hold dear and close to my heart. Reasons.... they were many. Ranging from heart problems to trust issues. That week, I learnt a lot about human kind and how far they would go to appear the saints. How far they would go to get what they want. I must say... my admiration for many of these people greatly waned. Then came the highlight or rather lowest part of this time. Death struck! It struck!!! A young man barely thirty along with others perished in an accident... A terrible road accident. He left behind a little girl and her Mother along with many friends and family. Then A young woman who was set to make 31 years of age passed on as she was bringing another life into...

Micah in there, 8 months old pregnancy Micah at 3 weeks Micah at 3 months- That Smile 5 month confusion The only boy in a group of 3 women!!! He does look like a girl!! Awwww... Love u Son 6 Months- Yes, he can hold his own Bottle We got teeth, by 7 months we had 8 of them Not yet one year but yes Mummy, I can walk. Yes.... This here was the best present I received this year. My Son can walk Celebrating Mummy's birthday.. so they all decided to cut my cake Milly and her charges. I love this group as it is. My world is complete... My cup flows over.

Dear Cyber Love, I hope you are well. I am eternally sorry I crossed a line. What line? you'll ask. the line where i get to think of you as a part of my everyday life. The Line where I take if for granted that when I call, you will answer, or you'll call me back. The line where I said those damning words and I meant them. That line that made me throw caution to the winds. That line. I enjoyed and maybe took it to an unexpected level. I loved it when you called me Precious, Delicious. Still makes me go all soft on the inside just thinking it. Oh better still, I went Gaga at being 'Daddy's Little girl" I miss you. I miss our little short-lived cyber romance. Romancing the imagination that was you kept me running. Gave me so much to look forward to. Got me some me-time because i had FOMO on our cyber dates. Well, time is up. Its been over four days of silence. Just that Silence. I didnt know it would affect me so, but it has. Feels like a whole new break up. Used to l...

Its been oft said ... "east west, home is best" I left home some time back for a better life. Or what i thought would be a better life. The lure of the bright night lights, fast moving cars, 'smartly' dressed girls and boys was too strong to resist. And I fell victim to my youthful desires. The food's all fried. Believe me, even a cup of tea is somehow fried. So, I lived in the city for but a while but it seems and feels like I was there for eternity. I will take you through some of the highs and lows of that place as our time together passes. However, am back home. I missed home. I missed these village paths- well beaten village paths. I missed the trip to the well.  I missed the love around here, Imagine this; The neighbor's dog remembered me. She was all over me the moment I got close to their compound. Tail wagging and I could feel the love. She missed me, and I missed her. When all is said and done. I am glad to be back home. My permanent stay here may no...

Its been a heavy very heavy day 2. I wrote this Piece some time back. Today, my second day of moving away from a particular unhealthy addiction saw me going through heartache so heavy i almost died. i tell am kinda counting the days. stuff has been happening. lots of stuff...on all fronts. And stuff happened. we kissed and made up. But then I keep asking myself Why I love so hard, people find it easy to hurt- or maybe Why I hurt so easily yet I love so hard. AM I trying so hard? Oh well....am posting this post because i cant seem to finish writing it

Sitting here listening to  Jill Scott  croon away her  A long walk  as the month fades out. The sun has more or less gone to bed. I should be in my bed too but these things of being an adult usually keep me up late. whatcha y'all thinkin? huh? Alright, am visiting a friend, yeah a friend who by the way wants me to get off his computer or he walks out on me!! can you imagine such meanness!!! really? This guy can be mean. After all the smiles i sent his way the whole evening? Can you imagine that? Really? Well, its today morning. The day after last night. "  I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy - ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness--that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have s...

Day one passed. i craved and assuaged my craving. yes am broken...giving in to my craving is step one to my healing.... The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing With a broken heart that's still beating In the pain, there is healing In your name I find meaning So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on I'm barely holdin' on to you The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead I still see your reflection inside of my eyes That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating In the pain (in the pain), is there healing In your name (in your name) I f...

Day zero-not fair This is my life and it's my right to live The way I want to live each day That's what I wanna say And this is my song And for too long I sang someone else's melody It wasn't really me Somehow I took myself for granted In someone else's eyes I saw reflections of a girl I was who caught me by surprise Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never realized I can't love you, I can't love me through someone else's eyes You were the sun, I was the one who just Revolved around you day and night You were my only life but if I were free Baby, I'd take control of everything inside of me Find who I wanna be I'd never take myself for granted In someone else's eyes I saw reflections of a girl I was who caught me by surprise Seein' a woman who's defined by you, I never realized I can't love you, I can't love me in someone else's eyes I gotta show myself I can still exist without a man. Gotta finally take control...

July 1, 2013. That's right.... New month is here. Not just new month but a whole half year is gone by. Full of drama, heartaches and all one would think the clocks would stop and give one a chance to correct mistakes but nope.... Time waits for no one. Tick went the clock. This month i turn a year older.. Second time am mentioning it in three days. It must be bigger than am willing to admit. My birrhday is supposed to be the day i start over....laughable However, i will make an effort to read my bible and grow everyday. I know i'll miss a few days but hey am human (weak). Imperfect progress is my July theme. Everyday for the next 30 days, i will do somerhing different. Random different things... I wont list them. I don't know them... I want to surprise me. Anyone waiting for me to please them might have a long time in the queue.. Infact they shd ger themselves some readinf material. I recommend  This  or  This one  or  Here  and  My All Time Favorite ....

Started writing this post at the end of last month. Had written one sentence which wad typo infested i just had to start all over again. So, we will keep the title. And yeah, been thinking of starting all over again. But this procrastination just wont break up with me. Spent a week, lots of wrong acts to start this paragraph. Wait, i should prolly date them paragraphs. So, here i am. Sitting at a friend's desk. Listening to Justin Timberlake's  Mirrors . And am asking myself why i find it hard to let go. Why am always on the defensive? Two days later- Again. This time round, we gonna do this. So, Location is my work desk. It's a Friday, should be heading home but am sitting here. And i feel this energy. This writing energy. Alot has been happening, the whole world is thinking about  Nelson Mandela . He's ill. And we don't want to let him go. See, Change is not an easy thing to do. Finishing this post has not been an easy task. Making and sticking to resolutions is j...

Time check- 19:30 A.M. Walking along that road that we've walked so many times we practically know where the stones and ditches are without looking. Can dodge cars with our eyes closed. Best bit, we aint saying nothing. It's a comfortable silence. Hell, not comfortable, its a soothing silence. The vibe between both of us is just enough to keep us warm. I am warm. I am warm because i have your jacket on. Who does that anymore? Thought that generation of men was extinct. You know what, you are an endangered species. We talked, though i can hardly  remember anything we talked about. Being around you makes everything else fade into oblivion. I know you are seeing someone else. You and I will never be in love. I am in love with someone else, you know that. But this thing with you, is perfect. No fights, no silly arguments The Chemistry is perfect. and you are perfect. My one and only you. So, as the sun sets on our perfect romance, I hold no pains or regrets in my heart where you a...

Alright, so, its been a crazy heart wrenching week. Was visiting with my pretty little sad confused friend, Pretty Smile, Remember her? Hope not. Her life is one big tough ugly blob of drama. But, things are looking up. Not for her though. I wont delve into that, because i could write for years about her plight and the cows could go visiting foreign lands and come back when am still writing about her. Though, I'll wrap it up, she's let both men out of her life. the father of her babies -yeah. and SNL too. its obvious she cares more about the baby papa but he does not care what she goes through as long as he gets his ego massaged. alright, so, today, the Sun is shining. In my country- this lovely lovely rightly named Pearl of Africa, things are happening. There is a new STD in town called Big Brother Africa:The Chase and there is a Ugandan Brother you can save by voting him to stay :  Here Am not a Big Brother Fan myself, Hell, i dont even own a tv set in my house. All I hear an...

Sat down again with my friend: my apologies, it hurt so bad i couldn't write it yet. But here goes: The drama continues- the confusion intensifies... someone, please anyone set a match to this maze... am worried about her. she might drown- So, We get to give names as the story continues. Meet the players in this our real life drama- heartbreak galore. 1. Confused friend- Pretty smile 2. Baby Papa- Baby Papa 3. New man- SNL Pretty Smile met SNL years ago. Their's was an online meet. A random chat room and numbers and personal emails were exchanged. The conversations were carried offline- but never face to face. It wasn't until two years after the initial cyber meet that they actually met in the physical. Needless to say, they'd flirted online and the meet up was a culmination of their previous late night phone chats. They shared one but the most electrically charged kiss at a random location in the city. It was at the clock of midnight. They crossed over from one year to...

"He's supposed to have moved on.  Hell, he did move on. He has a 6 day old baby girl. He walked out and said he was done. Welcomed me to pray if i wanted to but he was never coming back to me." He'd found his happily ever after and in his words " I plan on enjoying every second of it' . Then someone help me understand, why he's leaving her voice messages. Why he is asking her out to dates- They've been to a coffee date, a car park date(we all know how cosy and romantic 3 hour car park dates can be) They are slated to go for a movie date sometime this week. He's telling her how he'll never find another like her. The 3 hour car park date had him talk about the first time he knew he was in love with her. He described her attire that day-not very striking (same attire the author is doning today-well different colors) She was seeing another guy back there but he was in love with her and we all know how far a man in love will go. He told her he want...

Everything was fine. As in awesome. I loved it all. I lived, breathed this session of my life. The Chemistry was right. I was crushing, much as everyone thought it was much much more than just a crush I knew it was not real. It felt so perfect to be real. I mean, if i were really in love with this subject, I would have it in me to go green with envy whenever they talked about extra curricular visitations to people like me. But, instead, i encouraged them said visits. I've been happy getting the Saturday Night Light sessions. Oh, yeah, they'd grown to more than just Saturday but hell, who was complaining. I wasn't. Subject was enjoying them. Wallowing in them in fact. alright, so what's wrong now? If the picture was perfect, what happened? let me add a little more bright colors to this picture that am about to erase-totally erase. This Subject, we'll call him ME, says the right things at the right time. Does not fail to bring me joy, happiness and to a ecstatic end o...

Sitting at Ciao Ciao nursing an ice cream gone liquid. Am here waiting for a friend to show up, did lunch at a beautifuly laid back home restaurant, rode across town for ice-cream when i should be... Nah i shouldn't be nothing. Well, he had to step out and take care of some business, and i love the quiet. It's like, I just rediscovered me. Sitting here watching people, writing out conversation scripts for couples (stuff i assume they are saying depending on body language) Unplugging people who walk in and out. Now, that is what/who I was. I loved my corners. I loved talking to myself and coming up with conspiration theories about everything. Hey, i lived out some of my theories and those are some of the best memories. So, as i sit at this hard wooden bench at this silly expensive bogus ice-cream place in a so-called rich-neighborhood, listening to TIMBERLAKE'S Mirrors and watching my ice cream melt..... I decided to just reach for a note book. And here I am. i am many thing...

Over time I have discovered there is no absolute finish line for everyone in the race of life.  Our tracks are different and our durations are different.  The only thing we have in common is the same empire.  For instance, one person graduates @ age 20 and struggles for another 5 years to get a job, another might graduate @ 25 and get a job immediately.  One can marry a virgin and wait for the next decade to have the blessings of children, another lady probably after having series of abortions in her past, becomes a mother almost immediately after marriage.  A fellow becomes MD @ 38 and dies @ 56, another becomes MD @ 55 and lives to 90.  What a life!  Life is full of twists, turns, ups and downs and many more surprises and disappointments.  Life offers each one of us different opportunities and o nce an opportunity is lost, it's gone forever except by the grace of God.  It is up to each one of us to patiently prepare, wait, recognize...

Its been a while, yet again. When am in a place like this, i make myself busy with thoughts of you. Even in the middle of a terribly unproductive and dull day, a thought of you makes it all suddenly bearable. Alright, so here I am, finishing a post i started writing yesterday. Mum, can be clumsy and busy like that. But she loves you nonetheless. Micah, you've become a real joy to have around. Not yet four months but you want to sit up right. mbu you are tired of lying down while everyone ignores you or looks down at you. Hmm! I love you sonnie. Azzaria Lexi(guess imma officially call you Alexaria) . I love the sound and uniqueness of that one.  Lexi my love, you are the real definition of 'Bundle of joy'. Altaira, you are growing into a very serious person. Very serious its kinda scary.